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Guess the topic, would ya?
Posted by admin on July 2nd, 2008

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Scene 1: Its 9.30 am on a Monday morning and you have a client call at 10am. You have got to reach office on time to gather your thoughts and present that one critical PowerPoint presentation to the clients and you can’t find any gap amidst the huge traffic jam to wade your way through. You are 7 minutes away from your office building and the traffic gets at you so hard you have no say or no way out. Just then a car driven by a lady appears from nowhere (actually a by lane which may have just been opened by the BMP yesterday), comes and hits the car adjacent to yours. Lo and behold! A big fight starts, and within a gap of a couple of minutes, there is absolutely no scarcity of audience to pounce on the lady and a massive fight begins. Abuses are hurled, and the lady shows no signs of apologizing. Instead speaks of how the fairer sex has always been targeted by men who only know how to bully. People, who hadn’t even witnessed the fiasco, appear from all directions and start showing concern. Two guys distracted by the lady driver even hold the collar of the innocent driver, thinking he is the culprit. All you want is to reach your office but with the fast multiplying crowd surrounding the cars all around, the chances seem bleak. Why do women venture out driving if they can’t? Why do men don’t just mind their business and go about their way. Instead they crave to know what happened and if they can add fuel to an already growing fire. Over and above that, the growing noise of the Honking from vehicles behind you..Arrgh.. You can only ‘#%^*&^’ in your head since even if you ‘#%^*&^’ loudly, your voice will only get drowned in the chaos.

Scene 2: You have just finished your classy dinner at a theme restaurant, which your food frenzy friend just recommended last week and you are travelling back home with a satisfied tummy. At a traffic signal, you see 3 people crammed on a scooter and they don’t appear too city-friendly. Suddenly when you least expected it, the guy spits on the road in the direction of your car and expresses no regret in doing so. You give him a stare filled with disgust, but he gives you a nonchalant look which infuriates you all the more. You wish you could puke on his face and show him how unwelcome his mannerisms are. Would he do that if he was sitting in his house? Are public places not your responsibility to maintain cleanliness? What can you do but just spit out some curses ‘‘#%^*&^’’.. oh yah.

Scene 3 : You are tired as hell after a long day and you are one of those people who travel by public transport. You want to just go relax in your cozy home. A blaring from the person sitting next to you wakes you up from your snooze. The guy goes ‘ alllooooooooo’ and speaks in native language as loudly as possible. You soon realize it must be an STD call since the decibel of the voice is directly proportional to the distance at which the guy from the other end is responding. In some more time you gather all that has happened in the past one week in the guy’s life and his relatives’ life as well. You shift uncomfortably in your seat. Don’t people know long-distance call doesn’t mean you raise your voice? The person ain’t gonna hear anything more than what you are gonna say anyways!! And how annoying can that get to people around you??Only thing you can do is ‘#%^*&^’ as loudly as possible in your head…….

Scene 4: You might have as well lived without having to do this unless your wife has been after you for a week to get done with this work. Well, you need the signature on the papers and going to government offices is not your kinda idea of spending a Saturday but your wife has already given you enough of those stares that make you go straight to the office and stand meekly at the end of an elongated queue. The dirty ground disgusts you and sweaty people pushing you around to get to the other way. You don’t see a reason why it would take so long to attend to every person at the counter. You peer through to see there is no one behind the counter. Oh she was taking a break,you see.. But it well past 20 minutes and the queue doesn’t take the name of growing and the lady doesn’t show any signs of getting back to her work. You stare at the time and stare at the time and stare at the time. But neither does the seconds hand, minutes hand nor the hour hand moves any faster than it should. You think you should be assertive and you move ahead and tell the lady it’s getting late and time is getting wasted. But when she gives you that ‘ not-for-me-u –nit-wit-don’t-u-c-i-am-chatting’ kind of glaring look , you have no choice but to get back to the queue, only to find the fellow behind you has not wasted any time to occupy the place you were already standing in. You go to the end of the queue deciding its no good getting into an argument NOW. Finally the queue starts moving at snail’s pace. You thank god silently for the little mercy He showed. You reach the counter after having seen the watch for the 101th time, the clock strikes 1 and the lady packs up right before your eyes leaving you staring at her wide mouthed. You say a few ‘#%^*&^’ in your head and go quietly back home to hear more and more of ‘#%^*&^’ from your wife!!!

And the next few scenes don’t need my explanation I guess.. you could see for yourselves how Indians love to pose for the camera:

Despite all these annoying mannerisms, i am a proud Indian :) and as i type this, i can see that my nosy colleague is glancing into my computer from the adjacent cubicle.. what the ‘#%^*&^’….

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4 Responses to “Guess the topic, would ya?”
  1. Anti-G Says: July 3rd, 2008 at 8:03 am

    Awesome article. I have been through those situations so many times, and end up feeling helpless always. The worst of it is, people with such disgusting atticates bring a lot of shame to the culture/country they belong to. You have the freedom/rights to do whatever you wish at home, but outside of it you got to consider the convenience of people around you. Very well written.

  2. Noah Says: July 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 am

    Kilaaaasik writing !
    Neat Job..Best part is the conclusion ;-)

  3. nuklear Says: July 3rd, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    Heh heh. So many weird people. So much traffic. So many problems. No problem!!!. India Rocks and will always continue too. :-) By the way do you know these jerks in the pics.

  4. Neji Says: July 8th, 2008 at 9:21 am

    Wow!!!Very good.
    These are some of the common problems faced by people in India.Hope these people will change one day and stop doing these *@#$^ things.

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