I will begin with rendering my apology for choosing such a shity subject to uncover.
cultural shit. I believe that the way we shit has a lot to do with the culture we belong to. Shit belongs to a religion, and has a lot of history as well. I am not saying I found it in the holy books (now thats a different kind of shit), but a bit of research when I thought of writing shit got me to that conclusion.
Those living in India are definitely sure to know that our vast history with culture has resulted in naming a commode after us. The great Indian style toilet. Style is an unnecessary word there though.
Those who have travelled in the rumbling trains have always been given a choice of an Indian Style toilet and a western. It always surprises me how Indians classify everything that they are not familiar with as western.
And as usual the western toilets are far more cleaner than the Indian.
An art in itself is how we clean up our asses! In our adolescence, when we just begin to realize that we shudnt be burdening our parents to clean up our shit, we are taught to depart with the usefulness of our left hands for the cause of a clean buttocks. And those rebellious kids who get habitant to using their right hands are turned into “lefties”. Water, was told to us, was the cleanest way of staying out of shit.
Globalization, however, has now made its way into our bathrooms as well and changed that myth. While using public toilets we are forced to make use of toilet paper rolls. How tough and uncomfortable it is for a person who has always been using water to do the thing. Hell! He would be consious of it until he gets home and pours a jug of water to feel more sterilized!
I could bet that a villager would mount a western toilet the Indian way!
There is always a debate on which of the above two ways of cleaning are environment friendly. You have two options – “Save water” OR “save trees”. Seriously speaking I dont give a shit about both when it comes to saving my ass! Away from all the confusion from the options available, there are a class of people who are confident about the way they shit. All they need is a railway track (intercity trains; local trains are too frequent for a peaceful excretion), the train schedules and exactly one mug of water. I tried to do more research on why railway tracks are the most preferred locations, but i guess it is just one of those things that does not have a reason.
Japanese are so technologically advanced that the way they shit is also technologically advanced. The commodes are powered with integrated laser beam sensors that scans your buttocks for any reminents of shit and make sure that you walk away clean once done. No left right issues. Just sit, relax and do your thing.
Africans however are really hard working. Before they have to let go off, they go into the forests looking for a particular species of plant, the leaves of which is used as toilet paper. Only for their sakes I pray that the plant never becomes extinct else we would have a continent of dirty asses.
And then there are countries that donot have a concept of using commodes. They use plastic bags to collect the excreate (borat!) in the morning and use it as fuel for cooking later in the evening after drying it out in the backyard.
While walking on the streets in USA, one hardly gets to see even dog poop lying around. Coming from a country like India you almost begin to miss it! All the fun of trying to avoid cow, goat, dog (and even human at times) shit while walking on the road. I know of a region in south India where people follow ’shit where there is no shit’ mentality. Those who want to know which place I am referring to please leave me a note and your email id and I will enlighten you.
All this shit said, there is no moral to the article. Its just a collection of facts and fiction, and also sarcasm in a few places. Keep the world clean. Give/take no shit to/from anyone.
Hey. I like your sense of humour. I am from Eastern Europe and hell clean my poop with my tissues. One of the pleasures of sitting on my commode is to read my favourite magazine everyday morning. Easier then a typical Indian Toilet I must say, when you have to read while you shit…So how is it done by some of the asians? This is what my friends had to say! My friend had been to Delhi on one of his Assignments and had no other option but to wipe his poop with his hands in one of the 3 Star Hotels. Cultures are different everywhere and you can associate Shitting to Culture
. For us, hell, cleaning with hands is something that is unacceptable.
I rather be constipated than use the laser.
If technology were to be advanced such that a suction were to be created to suck the excreta out of your asses, then there would be no usage of water or tissues to clean your asses. Thus we can save both Water and Trees.
But yeah…Imagine if the suction pressure is too much…then you will have to forget your balls forever…Man technology is really funny at times…
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